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Sidi's Asides
I'm Emma Sidi and I make asides, A-sides, B-sides, I read sides and here I want to speak to you from the Sid-lines. When I can, I'm an actor and comedian. At other times, I can't.
A while ago
Monday 20 July 2015
Friday 5 June 2015
UPCOMING GIGS
As this so-called blog makes pretty clear, I am the worst 'blogger'. I'm a better flipping 'vlogger' than a bloody blogger. Ffs. I'm off to (figuratively) self-flagellate, but before I do here's a practical post vis a vis gigs to tide us all over in the next few months. Then - and only then - will I pull my finger out and make my blog attempt better.
Where to find my show and gigs when you want
- Monday 8th June - Set at The Hub @ The Pleasance, London
- Saturday 20th June - Edinburgh Preview with Gein's Family Gift Shop @ The Harrison, London
- Sunday 21st June - Set at Women Posing As Comedians @ Ace and Eights, London
- Wednesday 24th June - Set at Hat Trick's Sabotage @ Backyard Comedy Club, London
- Tuesday 30th June - Edinburgh Preview with Lou Sanders @ The Pleasance, London
- Saturday 4th July - Edinburgh Preview @ Chapter, Cardiff
- Sunday 12th July 2.45pm - Full Preview, Comedy Tent @ Cornbury Festival, Oxfordshire
- Thursday 23rd July - Edinburgh Preview with Goodbear @ Ace and Eights, London
- August 5th - 31st August - Emma Sidi: Character Breakdown @ Bunker 2, Pleasance Courtyard, Edinburgh
And I'll let you know if anyone else gives me a go. xoxox
Monday 10 November 2014
A transcript from the Radio 9.0 Music News-ic Archive
Transcript taken from Lisa Kadrowski’s most
controversial Radio 9.0 Music News-ic podcast, originally broadcast on a Thursday much
like any other, other than the fact that it was specifically Thursday 28th
September 2012†. Lisa
Kadrowski was born and raised in Bajo Crispin, California
and later went on to major in Ethnographic Musicology* at the University of Ohio .
She has attempted to publish three socio-political novellas, as well as a much
disputed and arguably confused article in which she insists on aligning South
African Apartheid with modern day Venezuela . She currently lives in Frostburg , Maryland
with her piano teacher and two cats.
† A date of no
particular significance.
*In 1995 the University of Ohio was forced to give a statement
confirming that the Faculty of Ethnographic Musicology was entirely fictional,
invented by Kadrowski herself who subsequently was accused by the Ohio Journal
of Poetic Query of having personally forged university certification. Under intense media scrutiny in both Ohio and North
Dakota , Kadrowski publicly confessed to having faked
all university accreditation in 1997 and apologised profusely. Her apology is notably yet to be accepted.
De-coding “Afro”-Anglo rh(why?)thms: An exploration of Paul Simon’s Graceland with Lisa Kadrowski
A Radio 9.0 Broadcast
Written and presented
by Lisa Kadrowski
Produced by Ben
Jennerson
Mixed by Carl
“We’re going to Graceland, Graceland, Memphis
Tennessee , we’re going to Graceland ”. And it with those immortal words that Paul
Simon’s seminal album Graceland
opens.
It was a slow day
And the sun was beating
On the soldiers by the side of the road
There was a bright light
A shattering of shopw-
And the sun was beating
On the soldiers by the side of the road
There was a bright light
A shattering of shopw-
Surprisingly, it
doesn’t open with those words exactly, apologies but I think I’m right in
thinking that those lyrics do come eventually.
-the cradle of the civil war
I’m going to Graceland
Graceland
In Memphis,Tennessee
I’m going toGraceland
Graceland
In Memphis,Tennessee
I’m going to
There you go. Track 2,
56 seconds in. Alright! Yes, I knew it came up somewhere, or there, in fact.
One always remembers these details, just as one always remembers the year, the
moment upon discovering a work that changes the course of your life. I think it
must have been early 2011 when I first discovered Paul Simon’s Graceland , whilst leafing through my since absent
father’s CD rack. He was jailed mid 2012 for petty theft in record stores,
alongside grave tax evasion, so even the location, the context, the memory
space in which I found that scratched silver disc has great significance for
me. And for my Dad: the repo-man
eventually took that CD rack, took it away.
Nonetheless, here was this fresh new music, a new sound for
a forgotten generation. I was 35 at the time, and certainly felt alone and
forgotten about. An African heart for my lonely, white body.
Ah. Sorry, that sounds like I’m trying to – sorry, that
sounds politically…obtuse- Okay, right–
I know what I know
I’ll sing what I said
We come and we go
That’s a thing that I keep
In the back of my head
I’ll sing what I said
We come and we go
That’s a thing that I keep
In the back of my head
These chunky rhythms, those thick creamy movements come to
us from an unknown location, the non-space of Africa via the talent of Paul
Simon through perhaps I don’t know, Tanzania ? Then through the
recording studio, as voice and drum is then transformed through science into
electronic sounds which reach the listener’s ear via the form of the boom box,
or perhaps Sony headphones. What I’m
trying to say is, it’s all about connections, right, and they are interesting.
We come and we go
That’s a thing that I keep
In the back of my head
That’s a thing that I keep
In the back of my head
Wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh-wuh
Okay I mentioned before “the
non-space of Africa”, I didn’t mean that and I was just talking with flow, I’m
sorry if I offended any listeners there, I know you can’t call Africa a non-space. I mean as mystical as it is, it is a
“space”, a kind of place…
She said, “There’s something
about you
That really reminds me of money,”
She is the kind of girl
Who could say things that
Weren’t that funny
That really reminds me of money,”
She is the kind of girl
Who could say things that
Weren’t that funny
Again, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t really mean that to
come out that way. Okay, um. Right. So, let’s consider the music rather than
the social…mode by which we de-construct that music. Okay.
So “Call me Al”. “Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes”. Are these
euphemisms? Mnemonics? Acronyms? Abbreviations for a transcendental location of
our deepest musical desires? The question I pose is unanswered by, arguably my
own, ignorance.
Emaweni webaba
Silale maweni
Webaba silale maweni
Silale maweni
Webaba silale maweni
I mean, what are they even saying? The coding of Simon is intricate, a fabric
woven by a white man in a deep dark Africa – oh God, I mean, I don’t mean that Africa is essentially dark, I just-
Webaba silale maweni
Webaba silale maweni
Webaba silale maweni
Okay. Ha. Sorry. Okay, the coding of Simon is intricate,
invisible to the soft naked ear drum, and to de-code him, you have to take a
visit to the continent of Africa , or Afr-ica as people like myself sometimes call
it. The magical, dark continent. Shit, Ben, did you hear that? Ben, I just said
‘dark’ again, what is wrong with me-
Kulumani, Kulumani sizwe
Singenze njani
Baya jabula abasi thanda yo
Singenze njani
Baya jabula abasi thanda yo
Ben, can we get Carl to edit that – oh, right, yes. Sorry - Now I
don’t understand what Simon is trying to say here, but perhaps nor does he
himself. He speaks a language only
knowable to God, maybe, or the Buddha, or Allah Akbad. But, I do
feel he is trying to communicate something to us. Whether that is an emotion, or a memory, or a
mere color, there is perhaps something he wants to say.
(a-wa) O kod wa u zo-nge
li-sa namhlange
(a-wa a-wa) Si-bona kwenze ka kanjani
(a-wa a-wa) Si-bona kwenze ka kanjani
(5)
But literally what is
he saying here? My God! It defies common sense!
Totally untranslatable, it resembles tongues almost.
(a-wa a-wa) Amanto mbazane ayeza
Okay, I’ve just been informed that that segment just played
is in fact, um, Ben, what does this say? Oh, Zulo, Zulu, okay! Like the film, I
get it. And it translates as…as “They are women, they can take care of
themselves” – that’s hilarious! - so apologies if in fact you did understand
what was said in that bit there earlier. I can confirm that this is of course
Swahili – I mean, no, Zulu, and not a tongues-like made-up parlance. Ha. That’s
great if you did understand those words, right?
I’m guessing you’re not an American though!
Empty as a pocket with
nothing to lose
Sing, Ta na na
Ta na na na
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Sing, Ta na na
Ta na na na
She got diamonds on the soles of her shoes
Of course, of course you can be American and also speak
Zulu. Yes, really sorry. Oh, God. Alriiight.
Now when Simon, or let’s now call him Paul to save
first-name confusion – Simon is actually the guy who plays bass on this track,
so we’ve got to be incredibly careful so as not to offend him – when Paul, not
Simon, first approached Lady Smith Black Mumbeze, I imagine they thought, who
is this Western man with nothing but a guitar and a smile? Does he speak our language? Does hold the
same currency? He is foreign man, and he is surrounded by the sound, the sound,
cattle in the market stall, scatterings of orphanages------
He is surrounded by the
sound, the sound
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
Cattle in the marketplace
Scatterlings and orphanages
See what I did there? Yes, I wove the lyrics into my own
parlance. That’s right. It wasn’t actually
my idea, my dad suggested I do that
while I was writing this segment last week.
Yeah. I get to visit him once a month, so that’s helpful. You know, for whatever reason, he enjoys it in
there more than you would expect. I don’t like to ask why.
He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, “Amen!” and “Hallelujah!”
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says, “Amen!” and “Hallelujah!”
And the story goes that when Lady Smith Black Mumbozo first
realised that this slightly larger than tiny man with the guitar and the smile
and the paycheck was in fact the boyfriend, or rather ex-boyfriend of Art,
Garfunkel, - it was at this point that they were interested, curious and
entered into the communion of becoming this rejuvenated, surrogate boyfriend to
Simon, or rather to Paul. But, the
question remains: was this new “boyfriend” any good in “the sack”. Of
music. The sack of music.
If you’ll be my bodyguard
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty-
I can be your long-lost pal
I can call you Betty-
And Yes he was. Yes, this new boyfriend reached a G Spot,
which even fucking Art Garfunkel himself could not access. Like an African
exoticism love explosion that that tall ginger honky was not privy to.
And Betty, when you call me
You can call me Al
Call me
You can call me Al
Call me
[Kadrowski is audibly
crying]. Again, I would like to apologise for using the term “African
exoticism” and “ginger honky”. I didn’t
mean anything untoward by it, I just- I
don’t know, it just gets hard when you love the music so much and you just…say
things. You know, and you wanna do it
justice but every time I talk about Africa I
can’t seem to say what I want to
say….
Na na na na
Na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na-a na
[Kadrowski seemingly
continues to sob] But these songs make me happy. And this one, it’s an unconventional choice
you might say, but I think that, yes, it’s my favourite track. It’s like just a pure moment of black and
white blending together in song so that black becomes gray and - Oh God, no,
wait, I didn’t m------No, I just…..please, I-
At this point the
recording stops, and Late December (back
in ’63) by Franki Valli and the Four Seasons plays, as Radio 9.0 attempted
to dodge controversy through a swift transition to Fresh Records with Hunker D Hunker, an unplanned but necessary move
on the part of the station. All scheduled
future broadcasts to be made by Lisa Kadrowski were, forcibly and forcefully,
cancelled.
Wednesday 29 October 2014
A short selection
Blogging
The murmuring in the corner of this random telecomms office about standby buttons and Canadian batteries, as I sit in my own corner feigning Receptionist status, has forced me to start a blog. Chiefly as a coping mechanism, perhaps subordinately as a realisation of something I had been considering for a few or several days.
Politics
I got really into Occupy Democracy protests last week, as I had never been kettled by a baying police mob before and so thought I'd give it a go.
It was so sick. In the traditional sense of the word. I feel that even the baying X Factor mob (my favourite mob) would have placed less pressure on my nerve endings. And I really mean that, they do seem benign in comparison.
Here are some of my other political views:
Humans
We're like a pack of cards, aren't we? Stack us up and each card shifts out of place, contradiction on top of contradiction! i.e. I bought a coffee from Starbucks the other day, but I hate tax evasion! i.e. I'm a feminist but I love catcalling! (Other fit-ass lads, ooh wan get me some of that sweet ass.) i.e. I was born an only child but now celebrate my birthday and other holidays with two brothers?!
Just a pack of cards. Shuffling and shifting, dealing out loads of shit.
caption: A deck of cards, unable to sit up nicely with straight sides due to all of its inherent and laminated contradictions. |
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